Footballers Are Idiots

Norwich City’s weekend defeat at Plymouth Argyle has not only left manager Nigel Worthington one match to save his job, but also caused a fight to break out between two of his players.

Youssef Safri and Dickson Etuhu traded punches on the team bus during the long trek home to East Anglia in the aftermath of the humiliating 3-1 defeat at Home Park.

A “Canaries insider” was quoted as saying: “They are always having a go at eachother in training but it really was a shock to see their feud boil over in such a violent way.

“There has never been any love lost between the pair”.

You don’t say. And there was me thinking they were the best of friends!

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Just a short and sweet entry today, one which can be classed as “taking a quote out of context in order to get a cheap laugh”.

Since being dropped from international duties, former captain David Beckham claims “it hurts to watch England”.

I’m sure 50 million other English men, women and children would agree, given such dire performances when it matters the most.

Not me though. Being Welsh it always amuses me to watch England do so badly.

Sven Goran Eriksson could have had a job for life as far as I’m concerned.

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Veteran Bradford City striker Dean Windass has caused a stir by grabbing a player by the testicles during a match.

Not content with having one of the most hilarious names in professional football, Windass grabbed Cheltenham’s John Finnigan by the sack during Bradford’s 2-1 win on Saturday.

The act, which in today’s achingly PC environment is tantamount to severe sexual harrassment, resulted in Finnigan being sent off for retaliation when he raised his arm to Windass so he would release his grip.

“I think that is a violent act and a very unpleasant thing which doesn’t happen very often in professional football” said Cheltenham manager John Ward.

“I spoke to Dean and told him what I saw happen. He told me it was part of the game - I disagreed and said it wasn’t”.

Part of the game? I thought such boderline homo-orientated behaviour was restricted to the “macho” surroundings of the rugby field?

A change of codes may be in order for Mr Windass. Idiot.

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Reading goalkeeper Marcus Hahnemann may have received some intergalactic help in order to help his side record a 1-1 draw against Manchester United on Saturday evening.

While some players indulge in pre-match rituals such as always putting on their left sock before the right, Hahnemann prepared a little more eccentrically by dressing up as Star Wars character Obi Wan Kenobi.

“You could say Wayne Rooney is our Darth Vader” the mentalist added.

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After seven years at the top of his game in the Premiership, Thierry Henry could consider himself a role model not just for youngsters who watch him, but also his fellow professionals.

But who does the third all-time Premiership goal scorer see as an inspiration to or somebody to look up to? Fellow Frenchmen Zinedine Zidane or Eric Cantona? Or what about the Premiership’s leading marksman Alan Shearer?

No. Henry’s choice of heroes are a bit more of an acquired taste. Henry chose Manchester City’s Paul Dickov for “the way he moves, because he’s always moving everywhere” and Bolton Wanderers striker Kevin Davies because he “annoys” defenders, but “not in a bad way”.

Either Henry has been on the vino or he is being particularly kind to two players even the most generous of pundits would describe as no more than “hard working” or “honest professionals”.

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Newcastle United assistant manager Terry McDermott has branded former Magpie Craig Bellamy a “little upstart”.

Bellamy, who left St James’ Park under a cloud of animosity in 2005, was said to have interrupted a conversation McDermott was having with referee Mark Halsey after Liverpool’s beat Newcastle this week.

“It had nothing to do with anyone else and I take exception to little upstarts like him” McDermott fumed.

“He was 100 per cent out of order. Everywhere he has been he has been in bother and it is starting again at Liverpool”.

So is the Wales international a “little upstart” or merely a misunderstood genius? What is certain, however, is there is no love lost between the pair.

During Bellamy’s time at Newcastle, McDermott was incensed when the striker accused former manager Graeme Souness of stating he had feigned injury before a Premiership match at Arsenal in January 2005.

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Former Cardiff City defender Spencer Prior loves taking a swipe at his former employers, or rather the fans and has been whining in the press again today.

This time he claims he was a target for the Ninian Park boo boys because he is English.

Prior is a perfect inclusion for this website as he is completely self deluded about why he was booed. He was once infamously heckled and jeered as he prepared to enter the pitch as a substitute and it is probably that reason why he has developed such venom towards the Bluebirds, using his nationality is just a convenient excuse.

The reason Prior was booed and target for terrace abuse was not because he was English, but because he came to the club with a huge reputation, commanded an even bigger salary and gave back very little in return.

A player who spent most of his career in the Premiership before joining Cardiff should have eaten third division strikers for breakfast, but what City fans got was an uncertain, error prone player who simply did not justify his estimated weekly wage of between £6-£8,000.

The astute observation of one five year old supporter summed up Prior in a nutshell when he asked: “is he supposed to fall over all the time?”

For the record, there have been plenty of English players who have been adored by the City faithful in recent years: Michael Chopra, Cameron Jerome, Peter Thorne, Neil Ardley, Jobi McAnuff, Gary O’Neill, Gareth Ainsworth, Julian Gray, Leo Fortune-West, Paul Brayson, Jeff Eckhardt, Gareth Stoker, Steve White, Phil Stant and Tony Philliskirk all effortlessly spring to mind.

Where they differ to Prior is, they gave their all for the club. Even if one or two of them had their limitations as players.

Prior, now in the twighlight of his career, must be thanking his lucky stars he is playing at Championship level again, this time with Southend United.

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BBC documentary Panorama accused Sam Allardyce of receiving illegal payments from two agents in it’s probe into dodgy transfer dealings in football’s top flight.

While the documentary failed to present any hard evidence to suggest any wrongdoing, it’s surprising an investigation such as this has taken so long to happen. More than 10 years have passed since former Arsenal manager George Graham was issued a one year ban from football after he received illegal payments as part of the deal bringing John Jensen and Pal Lydersen to Highbury.

It would be foolish and naive to think he is the only manager that has operated in this fashion. In an industry awash with millions upon millions of pounds, there are bound to be some dubious “kickbacks”, “sweeteners” or “backhanders” in order for some deals to be done and to ensure certain parties involved take their “cut”.

Indeed, the documentary claimed that 18 past and present Premiership managers had been named as having taken illegal payments.

But what about doing something about it? It appears the FA have not been overly keen to get involved, as the documentary revealed there is only one person on the staff that investigates transfers - covering all 92 professional league clubs and possibly those further down the pyramid aswell.

More questions than answers have been raised and if nothing else, sparks should fly in the coming weeks as Allardyce and his former agent son Craig were presented in a particularly poor light.

Big Sam has already asked his lawyers to take “appropriate” action.

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Belgian striker Gilles De Bilde missed a football match due to a family bereavement. Doesn’t sound too unreasonable you may think, until you learn the bereavement was to mourn the loss of his pet dog!

Former Sheffield Wednesday and Aston Villa forward De Bilde, who had an unremarkable scoring record in the Premiership, now plys his trade for rock-bottom KVC Willebroek-Meerhof in Belgium’s third division.

His side went down 1-0 at Geel, their third defeat in three matches since the season began, while he blubbed over the sad loss of poor Rover. Only in football could you get time off for something so trivial. Idiots.

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Brazilian “hardman” Julio Baptista will no longer strike fear into his opponents after it was revealed in the tabloid press that he still lives with his mum.

Despite racking up millions of pounds worth of transfers from Sao Paulo to Seville to Real Madrid and now Arsenal, it appears that molly-coddled Baptista still craves the love and attention that only his devoted mother, Wilma, can provide.

Bless his little Nike socks. Rumours that ‘The Beast’ needs a pair of velcro boots as mum still ties his shoelaces have so far been unfounded.

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