Footballers Are Idiots

Frank Lampard appears intent on making himself look as foolish as possible as he cannot seem to keep his foot out of his big fat mouth for more than a few days at a time.

Little more than a week ago he was banging on about how he would not ’shirk responsibility’ and continue to take penalties for England, despite the glaringly obvious fact that he is rubbish at taking them.

Big Frank showed his credentials from 12 yards in Chelsea’s 2-1 win over Charlton today by seeing a late spot kick saved by Addicks goalkeeper Scott Carson.

No doubt he’ll be bleating to the press about how that miss was just a blip and he is actually a very good penalty taker. Like the true international class penalty taker he is, he thrives under the pressure of scoring from the spot in, for instance, a crucial World Cup penalty shoot out. Oh.

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Chelsea full back Ashley Cole is fast becoming a hate figure of the game, even more so than Cristiano Ronaldo during the World Cup, which takes some doing.

The England international has even been nicknamed Cashley Cole due to his move across London from Arsenal to Chelsea appearing to be motivated by money.

Cole has suffered from delusions of grandeur, fuelled by his own sense of self worth and his constant presence in the public eye. He wondered why the Arsenal fans did not chant his name at the end of last season. An unauthorised meeting with Chelsea’s top brass in a London restaurant may have had just a little to do with his falling out of favour with the supporters.

He professes his switch to cash-rich Chelsea was not motivated by money, yet he griped over a £5,000-a-week difference of opinion offered to him by Arsenal during contract negotiations. He wanted £60k, they were only prepared to offer £55k. Incidentally, he now earns £90k a week at Stamford Bridge.

What’s even worse is that while Cole’s dirty laundry has been aired in the press every day for months, it’s now going to be repeated in an even more lucrative fashion due to the serialisation of his new autobiography. How riveting.

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Promising Manchester City youngster Micah Richards threw what can only be described as a “hissy fit” when he was substituted on the hour in the Blues’ 1-0 defeat at Reading last night.

The 18-year-old threw his shirt to the ground and waved his arms in disgust following his exit from the pitch and this was broadcast live on television as Sky was covering the match.

Ironically, team-mate Paul Dickov, known himself for his fiery temper, had to calm the youngster down after being substituted at the same time.

Manager Stuart Pearce was not impressed by the teenager’s unprofessionalism.

“It is my job as a manger to educate young players and that is what I will do in this case” he said.

Let’s hope the “education” involves Pearce’s boot and Richards’ arse in the same swift movement. Idiot.

Watch some prepubescent petulance here

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A Brazilian referee amazingly awarded a goal scored by a ball boy to allow Santacruzense snatch a last minute 1-1 draw in a regional state tournament in Sao Paulo.

A Santacruzense player shot narrowly wide and the ball boy returned to the pitch with the ball at his feet. However, instead of giving it to the goalkeeper, he cheekily tapped it across the line into the net.

Unbelievably, despite there being almost 10 seconds between the shot going out and the boy nudging the ball over the line, female referee Silvia Regina de Oliveira, the first woman to have refereed in the Brazilian Championship, awarded a goal amid furious protests from Atletico Sorocaba.

She did not see the goal herself but apparently based her decision on the lineseman, so he obviously wasn’t paying much attention either.

“I should have trusted my own vision” Oliveira said, as she anticipated a deluge of ironic television advertisement offers from opticians and corrective laser surgery specialists.

You don’t say, love. This sort of idiotic behaviour truly defies belief but you can watch it yourself courtesy of the wonderful YouTube.

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Cardiff City did their level best to throw away their position at the top of the Championship by surrendering a three goal lead and scoring two own goals in the process at Plymouth Argyle last night.

A goal from Steve Thompson and two from Michael Chopra saw City cruising after 49 minutes but then the Bluebirds pressed the self destruct button.

An own goal from Kevin McNaughton after 69 minutes gave the Pilgrims hope and veteran Barry Hayles reduced the deficit further five minutes later.

With two minutes left, captain Darren Purse snatched a draw from the jaws of victory by putting into his own net to confirm a miserable evening.

Well done, lads.

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Brazilian “hardman” Julio Baptista will no longer strike fear into his opponents after it was revealed in the tabloid press that he still lives with his mum.

Despite racking up millions of pounds worth of transfers from Sao Paulo to Seville to Real Madrid and now Arsenal, it appears that molly-coddled Baptista still craves the love and attention that only his devoted mother, Wilma, can provide.

Bless his little Nike socks. Rumours that ‘The Beast’ needs a pair of velcro boots as mum still ties his shoelaces have so far been unfounded.

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Merely weeks after signing a lucrative contract at Chelsea, Germany captain Michael Ballack may request a pay rise as he is finding property prices in London too expensive.

Despite being possibly the highest earner in the Premiership, stingy Ballack prefers to rent rather than buy during his stay in the capital.

Ballack needs a reality check and quickly. He earns £130,000 a week and with properties in the Chelsea and Kensington area costing an average of £800,000, it would take him about six weeks to buy one outright in cash.

If he is complaining about getting onto the UK property ladder with his millions in the bank, then what hope is there for the rest of us?

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Belgian striker Gilles De Bilde missed a football match due to a family bereavement. Doesn’t sound too unreasonable you may think, until you learn the bereavement was to mourn the loss of his pet dog!

Former Sheffield Wednesday and Aston Villa forward De Bilde, who had an unremarkable scoring record in the Premiership, now plys his trade for rock-bottom KVC Willebroek-Meerhof in Belgium’s third division.

His side went down 1-0 at Geel, their third defeat in three matches since the season began, while he blubbed over the sad loss of poor Rover. Only in football could you get time off for something so trivial. Idiots.

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BBC documentary Panorama accused Sam Allardyce of receiving illegal payments from two agents in it’s probe into dodgy transfer dealings in football’s top flight.

While the documentary failed to present any hard evidence to suggest any wrongdoing, it’s surprising an investigation such as this has taken so long to happen. More than 10 years have passed since former Arsenal manager George Graham was issued a one year ban from football after he received illegal payments as part of the deal bringing John Jensen and Pal Lydersen to Highbury.

It would be foolish and naive to think he is the only manager that has operated in this fashion. In an industry awash with millions upon millions of pounds, there are bound to be some dubious “kickbacks”, “sweeteners” or “backhanders” in order for some deals to be done and to ensure certain parties involved take their “cut”.

Indeed, the documentary claimed that 18 past and present Premiership managers had been named as having taken illegal payments.

But what about doing something about it? It appears the FA have not been overly keen to get involved, as the documentary revealed there is only one person on the staff that investigates transfers - covering all 92 professional league clubs and possibly those further down the pyramid aswell.

More questions than answers have been raised and if nothing else, sparks should fly in the coming weeks as Allardyce and his former agent son Craig were presented in a particularly poor light.

Big Sam has already asked his lawyers to take “appropriate” action.

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Former Cardiff City defender Spencer Prior loves taking a swipe at his former employers, or rather the fans and has been whining in the press again today.

This time he claims he was a target for the Ninian Park boo boys because he is English.

Prior is a perfect inclusion for this website as he is completely self deluded about why he was booed. He was once infamously heckled and jeered as he prepared to enter the pitch as a substitute and it is probably that reason why he has developed such venom towards the Bluebirds, using his nationality is just a convenient excuse.

The reason Prior was booed and target for terrace abuse was not because he was English, but because he came to the club with a huge reputation, commanded an even bigger salary and gave back very little in return.

A player who spent most of his career in the Premiership before joining Cardiff should have eaten third division strikers for breakfast, but what City fans got was an uncertain, error prone player who simply did not justify his estimated weekly wage of between £6-£8,000.

The astute observation of one five year old supporter summed up Prior in a nutshell when he asked: “is he supposed to fall over all the time?”

For the record, there have been plenty of English players who have been adored by the City faithful in recent years: Michael Chopra, Cameron Jerome, Peter Thorne, Neil Ardley, Jobi McAnuff, Gary O’Neill, Gareth Ainsworth, Julian Gray, Leo Fortune-West, Paul Brayson, Jeff Eckhardt, Gareth Stoker, Steve White, Phil Stant and Tony Philliskirk all effortlessly spring to mind.

Where they differ to Prior is, they gave their all for the club. Even if one or two of them had their limitations as players.

Prior, now in the twighlight of his career, must be thanking his lucky stars he is playing at Championship level again, this time with Southend United.

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